I was ready to ask one more time.  I was ready to restart it all.  My heart was pounding – it throbbed in my ear and my vision bounced.

I was even ready for her to say no.  Better said, I expected her to say no, and I expected I would nevertheless carry that torch.

Then we sat down to go over Gabby’s schedule. And I heard the click.

In a flash my mind saw how it would be if we were back together again, that it could never again be what I wanted.  It would be wrong.  Tenterhooks. Eggshells. The spectre of being abandoned again.  Her lack of ability to figure out what makes her happy.

Giving up all to her and wondering if it would be enough.

You gave up on us. You don’t get me back.